Dear Annie: I have a longtime problem with my mother. She grew up very poor, in a large family, and there was some abuse. I think it hardened her. Mom has always been very critical of others, clearly favored my brother over me and favors her oldest grandson (my son).

Mom is not overly warm or communicative. We never had talks about drugs or sex, and family conflicts were not discussed. Everyone just stopped talking to each other. One time, my father did not speak to me for six months.

My parents paid for my college education and gave my husband and me a substantial amount of money for a house and land next door to them. But Mom is difficult. She became angry with us for putting in a pond. (We think she was the one who put large rocks in the pipe.) We've caught her in lies that make trouble for us. She makes nasty comments to our neighbors about us. And most recently, she has been making horrid remarks about us to our three children, which often drives a wedge between all of us.

Because of this, I confronted my mother for the first time ever and told her to stop. Now she and my father are not speaking to me (it's been two months). They are the type to hold grudges. Was I wrong? Should I have continued to ignore the comments because of all they've done for me financially? -- Angry Daughter

Dear Angry: You are not wrong to stand up for yourself, but you must realize that accepting land and money gives your parents the impression that they have some say over your affairs. In order to protect your family, you must be willing to let your parents stop speaking to you. Either they'll come around or they won't, but your children need to see you being strong. And stop accepting major gifts from your parents. There are too many strings attached.